Consuella Looney

           Series 1: Consuella goes for the Green

Conseulla Looney was a gnome who lived in a forest deep in blue mysterious hills where she called home. 

She had wacky black hair and fuzzy eyes; and when she lied (and often she did) she would say compulsively to those who chose to confront her, “I swear!  I swear! I swear!”

Conseulla wanted nothing more than to be the best of all the gnomes that were. And being the simple gnome that she was, she thought that meant she had to be smarter, prettier, and wealthier. 

So she spent her days lamenting that she was born a short gnome with a humpy rump, and lived inside a wooden tree she considered a disgraceful dump.

The truth was Conseulla had no idea what she wanted, but she thought if she could have what all the other gnomes had, then she would no longer be so miserably haunted.

“Oh, why can’t I have Grisidella Fine’s beautiful straight hair? Why did I have to be born with this curly bush????” or another day it would be “Look at Suzy’s fancy home! Oh if I could have that, I would be the cutest little gnome!” 

All the other gnomes knew too well how Conseulla was and they rolled their eyes and passed her by, without paying any attention to her latest fuss. 

For they suspected she just loved attention, and would do anything to get it by causing all types of distractions.

Part of this was indeed true. Conseulla would have loved to shout at everyone in gnome village, “Look at me!  Look at me!  Look at what all I can do!”

She would have loved to brag and of course nag to anyone and everyone who would listen. But Conseulla also was lonely, and had few friends and felt like there were parts of gnome life that she was missing.

In truth, children, the real difference between Consuella Looney and all the other gnomes in her village, was that she was the only one who couldn’t be happy with what she had been blessed with in life, and this caused her to place herself in situations that caused her much agony and strife.

You see Consuella thought  she needed more – no wait, in her greedy mind she believed she DESERVED more and as you will see below, having more of something doesn’t make all your problems disappear.

Now we have established that Conseulla the gnome loved money probably more than she loved her own self; and because of this she often took on jobs that endangered her own well being and health. 

There was the time she decided to go to the humans and deliver their mail. But too many large dogs chased and nipped at her large hump that Conseulla returned back to gnome village with open sores and a blistering bump.

Then she tried to take on the role of gnome baker; however she loved sweets and little savory treats way too much; and the owner threw her out by the scruff when he realized Conseulla had been munching and meanwhile growing a huge round belly, however not selling nearly enough.

Just as Consuella was about to scowl, littlie Bennie Bean in the village had taken ill from his post as gnome paper boy. So the determined little gnome eventually landed the job, and was soon sworn in by the Mayor and became official. 

All would have gone well if she had better aim, but Conseulla’s little arms and short stumpy legs could only go so far, and she figured these were things she couldn’t change, and no one could blame.

So off she went to work flinging papers at potted plants and red huckle berry gardens; she destroyed windows and gnome bicycles; she carelessly flung papers at special gnome pets who would  either squawk or dangerously howl; and knocked trash cans all over the block so that a horrible smell would soon follow her disastrous trail. 

And when all the other furious local gnomes gathered to demand her resignation, Consuella flung her last paper with indignation.

But Consuella wasn’t done yet.  For Christmas came, and she thought, “Surely Santa would be a great boss! And I can get a cute little uniform as one of Santa’s little helpers, and endless presents, and hot chocolate and candy canes!!!! - lots and lots and lots!”

And so, Conseulla’s eyes bulged with green, as she trailed to that part of the world most have never imagined or seen. At last when her little feet arrived at the cottage of Mr. and Mrs. Claus, she pleaded her case to be his latest helper. And finally, when Mr. Claus agreed to hire her, Conseulla cheered and cheered thinking she’d found the solution to finding the right job just for her.

Christmas Eve quickly approached, and the little gnome hummed and hoed all over inside her small tree enclave. And she shimmied and she shaked, while she strung mistletoe and gleefully munched on gingerbread cookies and fruitcake.

And then around midnight, Ole Saint Nick came around with Rudolph, Dasher, and Dancer and all the rest, and gave a quick whistle for Conseulla to get up and quickly dress. 

But the little gnome had a MAJOR tummy ache from all those goodies she had gobbled down, and she rode the entire way immobilized alongside Santa Claus with such a disappointed frown.

So as you can see, Conseulla was what we adults sometimes call ‘money hungry’ and an unfortunate history of bad run-ins caused her to often act desperately and irrationally.

One day however came when the little gnome was pouring over the pages of the local paper and complaining under her breath – again - about being fired by the local baker and all the other endless employers, when she came across a paragraph that said the following:

                        Gnome Needed to Assist Important Business Proprietor

                        Will pay generously for excellent service

                        Must have quick mind and fast ear

For Conseulla, the word ‘pay generously’ popped out at her immediately. “Finally a job just for me, where I can get paid so much gnome money!”

And of course, children, off she went, trumping her little legs along the way, determined to get hired yet again, for a stint that she had no idea where it would lead her the very next day.

Through the twisted and intertwined forests of Gnomeville, she walked and walked. 

Panting and tired, little Consuella wouldn’t give up till she arrived at the destination she thought would finally give her all that her gnome heart greedily desired.

At last she arrived at a dark gnarly tree home perched on top of a long hill, with a silver moon shining brightly behind it in the dark sky.

This was an isolated part of gnome village, where few ventured because it was so far away hidden in the heart of Gnomeville. Not even the dark owls of the village dared to come here to perch and fly.

And of course Consuella knew this but being the looney gnome that she was, she set ahead nonetheless along the hill and came to a dark oak door where she knocked and knocked.

She paused for moment to catch her breath, and soon the large door creaked open. 

Standing before her, dressed in a gray dark cloak and a matching gnome hat on top, was a round hunched over ancient looking gnome

“What do you want?” he barked at the little gnome, causing her to jump back.

“I came for the job, you know the one you posted in the paper?” and she pulled it out of the sack she had carried on her back to show him, while he stared at her.

“Oh so you want the job, do you?” he eyed her suspiciously. “Are you a hard working gnome?” he inquired looking at her big bush of hair curiously.

“Oh yes, I can do anything and everything. I’ve had lots of practice,” explained Consuella relieved that this gnome apparently knew nothing about her previous failures.

“Well then I shouldn’t have any problems with you”, and he ushered her inside the dark enclave where for over a hundred years this ancient gnome as home had made.

“Wait a minute here – what about the payment? The ad said you would pay generously, is that true?” Consuella had business on her mind and first thing first of course was money for little Ms. Looney.

“If you do all that I tell you to do, you will be paid generously just as I advertised”, promised the old gnome, who motioning to her wild messy hair, first gingerly handed her a hair comb.

So Consuella got down to work, which for the most was doing things like carrying buckets of water to and forth, dusting, fixing an old gnome record player, baking huckleberry mud cookies ( which her new employer apparently ate every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner), and other household duties that the old gnome wasn’t physically able to.

Finally after a week’s worth of coming back and forth to the hill, the old gnome came to Consuella to tell her that her work was finished.

“Oh goody, this has been the easiest job I have ever had!” she exclaimed. “I did everything right, and I wasn’t fired after the first day. On top of that, I’m going to get lots of gnome money!!!!!”

And the greedy gnome couldn’t contain all of her excitement, that she jumped up and down to the amazement of the old gnome.

“Well my dear I am glad you have enjoyed your time here. I want to thank you – “

“Yea yea yea, where’s the money?” the little gnome demanded with her hands on her hips. “I want to get paid and run home and show all of them in the village that I am rich now!”

“Very well, if you insist,” said the older gnome and underneath his cloak he pulled out several bundles of bags.

Consuella Looney quickly snatched them from his fingers, and loaded them into her sack and cloak pockets.

 Without glancing back once, she headed down the hill and began her journey back into the village running along. The gnome skipped half the way while whistling to her own tune and song.

When she finally reached the village, she ran into her gnome enclave and hurriedly brought out the bags and poured the contents onto her kitchen table.

What lay before her eyes, she couldn’t believe! She was in the midst of jumping midair in vindication, when she happened to glance down to see piles and piles of gnome socks.

“What in the world is this?” shouted the gnome in outrage. Every color and size and shape of sock imaginable lay before her. It was then as she was pouring over them in disbelief when her eye caught a note hidden amongst the piles.

“Not everyone is wealthy in life Ms. Looney. But some of us are rich in love, friends, and family. In my case, however I am rich in socks. Like you, I lived my life concerned only about making money but failing at it. And since I have nothing else to offer you in payment, I have given you my most valuable possessions. I hope you will take it from me and find other ways to enrich your life, because in the end you can’t pay your way out of loneliness.”

So did Consuella Looney learn her lesson? Did she finally see her way to becoming a better gnome and living a more meaningful life?

A frustrated and disappointed Ms. Looney stopped taking odd end jobs she didn’t need.

And although at night she still sometimes dreamed of bags filled with money - she spent her time for the most part shimmying and shaking her hump and donating socks to those with bareless feet.

For Ms. Looney was on a crusade now – she finally found herself a cause with meaning. 

There would be no gnome left in this world who did not have proper attire for their toes, and since gnomes don’t use socks, that children will take a lot of changing!

©2007 Wafa R. Musitief